I just feel the need to get this out there and clear things up before anyone thinks I actually like like Twilight and Edward Cullen! D:
This was written in December (2008) when my column was still called Ashtray Girl, and this was the piece that got me a ton of hilarious hate mail (but even more thank you mail, which was awesome). I’m guessing it’ll be easy to figure out why by the end of the first paragraph. Maybe even by the end of the caveat.



